50/50

With what turned out to be Huelan, there was hardly any discussion about whether we'd find out the gender- we definitely wanted to know whether we were expecting a girl or boy.  And we've been smitten since the moment we learned she was a she.

But this time it was a little different, at least for me.  Though Liz wanted to know the gender from the get go, I was on the fence.  Obviously the first thing any parent wants is a healthy baby. Beyond that, this time before we know the gender is full of possibility.  But also lined with an undercurrent of desire and emotion.  I'm not sure how to respond when people ask what we "want."  My standard response is that we already have a girl, so my only chance at having three kids is if this one is also a girl, then we might try for a boy.  And if we ended up with three healthy girls, what's better than giving your daughter a sister or two?  We'd be ecstatic. Ambiguous enough?

Well the truth is that I couldn't allow myself to want either because that would mean that if we had the other, there might be some kernel of disappointment in the fact.  Maybe that's just me being uptight, since I know we'd love any kid we have, and people declare their preferences all the time.  But like I said, this time it just felt more loaded than the first time.

Well, as with most matters in our house, Liz's point of view prevailed..   From our experience with Huelan's ultrasounds, we kind of knew what to look for this time around. Before last Friday, the last sonogram we had was about 6 weeks ago, gestation week 14-ish. Though it was early, we saw all we needed to see to know what was coming.  Since it was early though, the technologist told us "not to paint the nursery yet."  Last Friday, the 20-week sonogram, was the official, unmistakable confirmation of what we were privately stewing on for the past month and a half.

Want to know too?  Scroll down to the next post.

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